Well, I am half way through my 100 happy days, so I thought it was as good a time as any to get a little introspective and see how its going…
I’ve mentioned on this blog before that I struggle with depression – it’s not something that I hide, though I do wish it didn’t have such a prevalent role in my life. I’ve learned to manage it – through medication and therapy – and I am blessed with a man who loves me through both the ups and the downs.
But his last year has been especially trying. Going back to school was unexpectedly difficult on me, and the practicum has damn near torn me apart. Everyday had been a battle with self-doubt and self-loathing, I wasn’t very good at my newly chosen career path and, even worse, I wasn’t really enjoying it.
I needed something.
And then I stumbled across 100 happy days and thought “what have I got to lose?”
Over the last 50 days, regardless of what else was going on in my day, I looked for something to make me happy. Anything that could bring a smile to my face. It’s often food…or drinks, or Phil, but it has also been the simplest of things…like a child on the bus, or new socks or the sun shining as I got to work.
Someone tweeted the other day about how initiatives like 100 happy days are harmful because they make people ignore their sad feelings. They said it was a fake happy and only helped stigmatize people with depression.
I could not disagree more.
I have still had plenty of bad, terrible days over the last 50, and I have felt a lot of sadness, but instead of wallowing in my depression and letting it consume me for days on end (which has always been my preference in the past), looking for a small glimmer of happiness has helped me to smile a little on even the worst days.
I have also noticed that my outlook is changing – I don’t have to look so hard to find those happy things because, overall, I feel happier. I am learning to appreciate those little things, and to not take for granted the good things that happen around me every single day.
And…I’m blogging more!
Day 50 – a happier me