If I am going to (theoretically) start blogging on the (semi) regular again, I should probably start with an update of where I’ve been and what’s been going on…
The easy answer is, of course, school.
But in all honesty, it’s so much more difficult than that.
When I made the decision to go back to school, I knew it would be hard and I had a pretty good idea that it would be exhausting. What I never even considered was that I would be terrible at it.
And, yet, here I am.
My practicum has not been the most positive of experiences, to say the least. I’ve had my difficulties over the last 8 months – I make more than my fair share of mistakes and I still struggle with some of the basic concepts of taking x-rays. Some people tell me that this is normal and everyone has their ups and downs, But I’ve also been told by other people that I won’t graduate and I should just quit.
And believe me when I say that I really really wanted to.
I would come home from school (work) and cry and beg Phil to just, please, let me quit. And my sweet, steady husband would listen, give me hug and wait for my good sense to return – which it inevitably would…until the next wave of self-doubt came crashing over me.
I was supposed to be following my dreams but, no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn’t measuring up.
So I withdrew from everyone around me.
I stopped seeing my friends and I even stopped talking to Phil about it. That just seemed so much easier than burdening everyone with my overwhelming unhappiness and disappointment, and it was sure as hell better than having to answer the dreaded question “So, how are things going?”
I stopped writing here – this blog is called Joyful Follies, not Wallow With Me. Nobody wants to read about self-doubt, self-pity or self-loathing on an even not-very-regular basis. So rather than fill post after post with that sad-sack bullshit, or spew some fake sunshine all over the page, I just curled up into a metaphorical ball and shut the world out.
But that ends now!
I had a fantastic Christmas vacation and the new year holds new hopes for me and a new promise of success. I haven’t quit – I’m still chugging along like that stupid little engine that just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone (that’s how that story goes, right?) – and I will graduate in August with the rest of my class.
I’m back, Baby!