A friend of ours lost his father last week (fucking cancer), and it got me thinking about how I want to be remembered when I’m gone. I’ll admit, its a bit of a downer, but I’m no longer a young chippie, and cancer does run in my family, so…
I discussed it with Phil, but he doesn’t have the best memory so I am writing my wishes here for posterity. And this way, if he doesn’t comply with my requests, you all have my permission to totally call him on it.
I made him promise me 3 things for my memorial:
1 – I don’t want a traditional service
Phil and I don’t belong to a church, and we don’t have a relationship with a pastor. So if I were to have a traditional service it would most likely be through a funeral home and their recommended pastor. And I just have no interest in having someone who didn’t know a single thing about me stand at a pulpit and say what a wonderful person I was and that I’ve moved on to a better place.
I get that in a time of mourning, people need to be told that, so take it from me; I am a wonderful person, and I will be going to a better place.
I want Phil to hold my memorial in one of my favourite pubs or restaurants, and have the people in my life join him there for a drink. I want people to share memories of me (not in a standing-up-and-making-a-speech kind of way, but in a sitting-in-a-group-of-friends-chatting kind of way), have a few laughs, possibly a few tears, and wish me a safe journey.
And as much as I love a sappy song, play me out with something like Pink’s Raise Your Glass, and maybe a little Defying Gravity* for good measure.
2 – I want Phil to say something
You may find this hard to believe, but Phil hates speaking in front of people. He is funny and kind and charming, but hates to show that in front a big group of people.**
And he REALLY hates being forced into talking about his feelings.
But, I figured since I am doing this whole “don’t let your fears hold you back” thing, that I am going to make Phil do it too. And what better opportunity than at your wife’s memorial?
And he will be magnificent.
3 – I only want a picture that truly represents who I really am
Like this one:
Or this one…
Maybe either of these ones…
Though, I think this one really sums me up…
That’s it; three things.
Hopefully, it’s a long time away, but when my time is up I want a room full of boisterous laughter, lots of liquor and, maybe, in my honour – a moment of very awkward silence.
*On repeat, as it is in my life
**Because, of course, there will be a huge turnout at my memorial