Yesterday morning, I asked Phil to look in the freezer and see what we could take out for supper.
“We have bacon, back bacon and…that’s it,” he told me.
So, bacon it is!
When I got home from work, I pulled out the big baking tray and lined up all the bacon to cook at once.* The aroma filled the house and I kept opening the oven door to check for that perfect balance between limp and too crispy.
What can I say, bacon makes me impatient.
When it finally reached the exact level of crisposity I was looking for, I yanked the pan out of the oven and transferred the bacon to a paper towel to blot.
Burning my fingers, I grabbed a piece and took a bite. Enjoying that satisfying crack of the perfect crsipness, I quickly polished off my first piece and reached for another before I thought better of it.
Crunch!
The second piece seemed almost too crispy, and after biting down a couple of times there seemed to be a really hard chunk mingling with the salty goodness.
I carefully worked the offending nugget to the front of my mouth and spit it out.
MOTHERTRUCKER!
It’s a piece of tooth!
I mean, I know I was eating crispy bacon, but this is ridiculous. It’s not like it was popcorn or something!
With a heavy heart, I put the bacon down and left the remainder for Phil while I called my dentist. I got an appointment for the next morning and stern warning to add bacon to my “not a good idea” list.
Yeah, like that’s going to happen.
With the all the advances in modern medicine, I’m sure, in no time, they’ll be able to scrape the enamel build up from my arteries and use it to fill in any chipped teeth.
It’s a win-win.
Bring on the bacon!
*In no way does this mean I intended to eat it all at once.**
**It so totally does
I don’t know what to say, Robyn, other than “Carpe Lardum”! Enjoy your new bacon-proof tooth.
Oh how I feel your pain with the bad teeth. Mine seem to have issues no matter how gentle I am with them or how much I care for them. I don’t think you should give up bacon. Just perhaps chew with less gusto next time.
Holy crispy bacon! I really wish it was possible to mold new teeth out of artery plaque… I’d be set for sure! I hope the bill at the dentist isn’t horrible!!! (We ate bacon last night and I may or may not have snagged 4 pieces before my husband came in the room)
This is a perfectly good reason for going to Burger King to get the new bacon ice cream sundae. No crunching necessary. Just suck…maybe even through a straw. Although you could always gum it as my darling Papa did into his early 80′s. He may have had 4 triple bypass surgeries by the time he passed on. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the bacon, though…