posture correction week 2: death by treadmill

After finding out what was wrong with me last week, I had no idea how to go about fixing it.

Now, after my first couple of sessions with Rob at Complete Body Care, I know that it involves a lot of balance-heavy exercises, active stretching, strengthening my abs and almost killing me on a treadmill.

 Watch the video of me struggling into this pose (and other humiliations) here

Aside from all the “trying to kill me with a treadmill” shenanigans, I am happy to report that Rob is as good of a trainer as he is a massage therapist (though I honestly don’t know if I curse more in the gym, or on the massage table).  He keeps the mood upbeat and encouraging, even though I am obviously a big, wimp with the muscle tone of a sloth.*

*Have you seen these things?  They literally just hang around ALL day!  Lucky bastards.

One thing that Rob determined in my assessment last week was that I let my quads do all the work – he described them as the keeners at the front of the class that jump up to answer all the questions and take all the work.  While my hamstrings are the slackers at the back of the room that are more than happy to laze about and let the keener quads do all the work.  Rob plans on giving me straight “A” hamstrings.

Which explains a lot, really – over the last couple of years I have actively sought out different exercises to lift and firm my butt, but they never worked and my quads just kept getting stronger.  I blamed the exercises.

But Rob plans on changing all that – he said I have a toxic relationship with my quads and he is staging an intervention.

Every time I do a squat or a step, if I admit that I’m using my quads instead of my hamstrings, he makes me do some horrible exercise – like a shoulder bridge with my feet on a Pilates ball – that will force my hamstrings into action.

this is so much harder than it looks

And about that treadmill – reports of my attempted murder have been greatly exaggerated.  I was given a 7-minute circuit to complete – increasing the incline by 5 every minute, then decreasing over the same time-frame.

I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake,** I use the treadmill all the time, and I always work up to a pretty steep incline, so I was pretty confident that I would show Rob I wasn’t such a pussy after all.

Unfortunately, that’s not exactly how it went down.

**How much better would this be if he gave me a piece of cake!?

On my second run  slow jog  walk on the treadmill, I simply could not keep up.  As I approached the top of the incline, I was beet-red, soaked in sweat and couldn’t breath.  But I am nothing if not determined to make a fool of myself so I kept pushing one foot in front of the other.  Sensing my imminent doom, Rob casually reached over and slowed the conveyor under my feet.

Then he slowed it some more.

When my speed was reduced to “strolling-through-the-farmer’s-market” pace, I was finally able to take a breath and beg for mercy.  Then, after another round of strengthening exercises, HE MADE ME GO ON THE TREADMILL AGAIN!***

***Seriously – where is my cake?!?!

After witnessing my treadmill-induced near black out  poor attempt at cardio, Rob decided to take my weekly massage in a new direction – he was going to rub my diaphragm.

Yeah…my diaphragm.

Stay with me, here – his reasoning being that I spend so much time hunched over my desk that all the muscles in my chest are constricting the muscle system that controls my breath.  This reduces oxygen intake and makes cardio-heavy activities difficult.

Sounds good to me – it’s not that I’m an out of shape fat-ass, my diaphragm is just constricted!

But I’ll tell you, after he was done rubbing my stomach and stretching out my pecs, I could actually take full, deep breaths without feeling any restriction or pain in my chest.  Rob thought I could probably run a mile.

Thankfully he didn’t throw me back on the treadmill to confirm his theory.

I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me next week!

…hopefully its this!

*Check out Nina’s blog about her first visit to Rob…

0 thoughts on “posture correction week 2: death by treadmill

  1. Your posts have been really eye opening to me in the past week. Between the beauty box and THEN having the same quad/breathing issues it’s like Rob is servicing two clients for free (only where’s my massage?!). I seriously can’t wait to see your results!

  2. Well tomorrow is going to see how things have been developing over the past few days with your “homework”.
    Let everyone know, yes you STILL get homework and I DO check to see if you have been doing it. It’s like going to the dentist;
    “Have you been flossing everyday”? says the dentist.
    “Well…not EVERY day”..most people will reply.
    Who knows, maybe I’ll even bring cake; as long as I can hold it out in front of you when you’re on the treadmill again.
    I’m sure that a certain Dennis Leary song was meant for me right about now.
    Anyways, you’re doing awesome so keep up the great work you’ve been doing so far.

  3. I need a personal trainer, that’s all there is to it. I sit in front of a computer all day and I know it’s just ruining me. And that cupcake? Is awesome!

  4. I’m curling into the fetal position now and having traumatic flashbacks of the diaphragm rub…not breathing now…I think I’ll keep seeing Rob for the massages and leave you to the REAL work, no amount of cake would make me sign up for that!

  5. God…just reading this makes me realize what terrible shape I’m in. I’m going to have to consider moving to Edmonton just so I can start seeing Rob too.

    Oh…and Rob? Thanks for putting that song in my head. Now I will be walking around my office singing it for the rest of the day. At least it replaced that Pumped Up Kicks song that’s been stuck in there for a week.

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