posture correction week 1: righty-tighty

I had been psyching myself up for weeks about starting my posture correction with Rob at Complete Body Care, but when I walked into the gym on the day of my assessment, my nerves had almost gotten the better of me.  My heart was pounding and I was sweating and we hadn’t even hit the gym yet.

I was about to get my picture taken in my underwear.

I don’t even let Baconhound take pictures of me in my underwear!

But, in the interest of my well-being and your entertainment, I took a deep breath and disrobed.

I tried to act non-chalant, like standing around in my bra was an every day occurance, while Rob positioned me for the alignment pictures.  When I was lined up correctly, he told me to take a deep breath, let it out* and…CLICK.  Then I turned to the side, got lined up, another deep breath, and…CLICK.

“That wasn’t so painful, was it?” Rob joked.

“Not physically…”

With the worst part already over, I quickly put my shirt on and we looked over the pictures as he judged analyzed my posture.

It seems that my whole body shifts to the right – my spine runs parallel to the laser (which you can’t really see in the first picture, but its easy to tell that I am shifted more to the right of the grid)), my shoulders are hunched (shocker), and my hips jut forward…like, a lot.

And just when I thought the fun was over, Rob took my measurements.

Calf – 17″ / Thigh – 24.5″ / Hips 42.5″ /  Stomach 37.5″ / Chest 42″

Then we hit the gym.

Our first session wasn’t really about working out – it was about finding out what my body can do.**

Rob tested my balance and he evaluated the strength and mobility of my left side vs my right side.  After every movement, he would ask what I felt and how it differed from the opposite side.  He would explain to me what was happening with my muscles and point out what needs to be focused on to improve the overall capabilities of my body.

What I learned from this is that I am not only right-side dominant, but my left side might as well be paralyzed.  It is completely useless.  Like spinning rims on a 1983 Ford Fiesta, my left side is just there for show.

So after discovering that my whole body naturally leans to the right, and that my right side practices total domination over my left…does this mean I have to start supporting Sarah Palin???

*Shudder*

After the left/right assessment, Rob shifted his focus to my abs (yay!).  There he discovered that I have a weak core (thanks for nothing, Pilates!), and he knew the perfect way to remedy that…

He had me lie down on my back and when I was completely defenceless, Rob said, “So…you know I’m a boxer, right?” and turned and walked into another room.  When he came back through the doorway, he was pulling on boxing gloves.  And he was smiling.  Devilishly.

Then he proceeded to punch me in the stomach for 3 minutes.

OK, so he wasn’t punching hard, and it was in 30 second increments, and it was actually pretty effective (I really had to tighten my core just to reduce the jiggle), but still…he was punching me!  In the stomach!!

So ended my first session.

And it will only get better…Rob sent me an email warning advising me that next week, he’s bringing the video camera****!

God help me.

the Taskmaster, himself

*I wasn’t even allowed to suck my stomach in!  Apparently these pictures need to be “real” and “natural” 

**hint: its really bendy***

***no, its really not

****I just hope he means for the training session and not for the massage

0 thoughts on “posture correction week 1: righty-tighty

  1. OOh you’re brave! I went through a similar experience (ordeal) a couple of years ago – with no pictures mercifully – and I also found out my left side is very weak compared to the right. It must be all the PC / hand bags we carry!

  2. Read your posts and checked out their website…then I took the plunge and booked an appointment with Rob aka the Torture Master! So glad I went to my first appointment yesterday it hurt like hell but my ass is not so tight anymore…wait I’m sure that didn’t come out right. Thanks for blogging about this and I’m looking forward to reading all your future humiliations/ordeals/trials! Good luck

  3. You crack me up. I’m sitting at my desk snorting and giggling and everyone in my office thinks I’m nuts.

    Oh…and remember how I said that I wanted Rob to train me? Yeah…I take it back. Because I don’t want to get punched in the stomach for three minutes. Or at all.

  4. Thanks for sharing your experience! I felt the same way when I did structural integration- just sitting around in a sports bra and undies, waiting for a strange guy to come in and make judgments about my appearance. So uncomfortable! Glad I’m not alone in feeling weird about that. Thanks for going public with your story 😉

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