When I was 18, my Mother told me “Never count on anyone else because they’ll only let you down…”
I had gone out with some friends and they were supposed to give me a ride home at the end of the night, but by the time my curfew rolled around everyone was far too drunk and I was left, stranded, and waiting for a cab. When I crept in the house, long past my curfew, my Mom was sitting up waiting for me. And when I explained what had happened, that was what she told me – “Never count on anyone else because they’ll only let you down…”
And the saddest part, is that she was pretty much bang-on.
She taught me that nobody has my best interest in mind except for me. She also taught me, “Never put your trust in someone because they will just end up hurting you.”
Sadly, she was kind of right about this too.
But where my Mom was perpetually focused on the negative, I do try to focus on the positive and see the good in people.
Sure, someone I counted on might let me down, but people are busy focusing on what’s best for them and can’t always worry about what I want/need. And that’s how it should be.
And while that’s true – Mom’s words still stick with me.
I’ve always been kind of loner, which is for many reasons – I am very awkward and uncomfortable meeting/talking to new people. I have always struggled with self-esteem and thought that nobody would like/remember/care about me anyway. And I always thought that I was the only person who would never let me down.
I think that’s part of the reason why I blog – I love the connections that I make through blogging, and I love how I can truly be myself and am accepted for it…but its also nice to have that disconnect. I never really have to deal with anyone face to face. I don’t have to worry about being awkward, or people not really liking me, because its just over the internet. And the only way people can let me down is by not posting.
When my niece, B, was little, she was terribly independent – and anytime someone tried to help her do something she would yell, “I can do it my-own-self!”. And I have since adopted that mantra – I can do it my-own-self*.
And since I was 18, I have never really counted on anyone but Wilzie. And he always comes through.
He comes through in ways I never realized I needed.
And it’s because of him that I know it doesn’t matter if the whole world shits on me; I know that he will always have my back.
And that’s all I really need.