What I learned from yesterday’s post is that most people (that read/comment on this blog, anyway) are horribly uncomfortable with receiving compliments.
And in case you missed it, I just wanted to share Wilzie’s comment on the whole thing:
“here is an easy fix for all of this… just stop being so darn compliment-worthy. It’s been working for me for decades.
On those rare occasions that I recieve a compliment on something other than how much someone likes my wifes blog, or on the sheer size of my honky ‘fro, I find I’m always a bit late picking up on the often gratuitous fishing for a return compliment. If you’re complimenting me on my jacket, while modelling YOUR new jacket to gratuitously fish for a return compliment….. dont bother, because I probably didnt even notice.
Because I’m a man. I cannot identify your new jacket, new shoes, new haircut, new purse, or weight loss.
Things I DO notice?
Yoga pants (up to a half mile away)
Extra beer in the fridge
hot wings on sale
Doesnt it seem less stressful to just have a big gravy stain on your shirt and avoid the whole “compliment” situation altogether?”
See why I love him?
So, as comforting as it is to know that I am not the only one who doesn’t know how to respond to compliments, I do find it somewhat curious. Do we not believe that we are worthy of kind words? Do we think that we’ll seem unlikable if we acknowledge that, Yes, I agree that my hair does look good today (and we always qualify it with that “today” because it would just be too much to think that our hair might look good tomorrow!)? Do we just not like to have that spotlight of attention shining on us?
Whatever the reason – I call BULLSHIT!
OF COURSE we are worthy of kind words!
YES we are likeable!
ABSOLUTELY we deserve a ray of happy light to shine on us, even if for a moment!
You are all wonderful, beautiful people, and you had damn well better believe it!
In a world with so much negativity and ugly gossip (I admit, I am guilty of it too), we deserve to start feeling good about ourselves. Even if it’s just for a single moment before we look back at the celebrity magazines and wish we had boobs like Tyra Banks, or a smile like Julia Roberts, or arms like Cameron Diaz, or even that we just had an ass that looked good in Lululemons…
Wait a minute…where was I going with that?
RIGHT! We are all wonderful in our own ways, and when someone goes out of their way to tell us that, why shouldn’t we believe them, and feel good about it?
So, right here, right now, I am starting a new initiative…
The “You look shiny!” Initiative.
My cousin has always been like that; when we used to work together, there was a constant stream of compliments coming from her mouth for everybody who crossed her path – “I love your bracelet!” “That is a great nail colour!” “Did you get new glasses? Looking good!” – and she meant it every time. But while my eyes were getting a work-out from all the excessive rolling, each person she complimented walked away smiling, feeling just a bit better about themselves.
I’ve decided that I am going to do that. I will go out of my way to compliment someone every day – on their hair, their clothes, their jewellery, their shoes – whatever happens to catch my eye (so long as its genuine, there is nothing worse than phony kindness). And not just people who I know – I don’t mean I am going to run up to random people on the street – but cashiers, baristas, bank tellers. Anyone!
I am going to become a one-woman, feel-good machine*!
The blogging community is consistently so supportive of each other, but why should we be limited to making our interweb friends feel shiny; we can work together to send those good vibes out to everyone else! Because who doesn’t deserve to feel good?
Are you in?
*Not the kind they sell at “adults only” stores…