karma is a wonderful thing (when it happens to someone else)

There is chick who takes my bus in the morning, and she annoys me.

I know this probably comes a shock to you, that someone (in particular, someone on the bus) would annoy me, but she does.  She doesn’t talk loudly on her cell phone.  She isn’t a meth-head (an obvious one, anyway) who twitches and shakes all her meth-y cooties on me.  She doesn’t even smell!  Sounds like the ideal bus patron, no?

She would be, except that she is under the mistaken belief that her purse deserves its own seat more than any of the other riders who are falling on me when the bus comes to a halting stop standing.

This annoys me.

When I get on, there are still several seats to choose from, so I never have to snarkily politely ask her to move her bag, but that doesn’t stop me from shooting lasers at her as the bus fills up around me.

And then, yesterday, karma bit her right in the ass and it was far more satisfying than any laser in the eye could have been.  She was sitting in her usual seat, purse planted cockily next to her, when a man walked up and asked her to please move it.  With a heavy sigh she picked her tiny hand bag and placed it on her lap.

When the *ahem* gentleman sat down, he removed his toque and a jumble of unwashed, scraggly hair tumbled over his shoulders.

Then he began to talk to himself.

Then he ran his fingers threw his mass of hair and started to shake it out.

Then he began picking things out of his hair, examining his findings and dropping the bits of dirt/dandruff/BED BUGS on to the ground in between them.

She looked mortified.

I, however, thought it was awesome.

If she had only had her purse in her lap in the first place, she could have had me instead.  And while I may spill over my alloted seat square, at least I don’t drop my crazy all over you.

16 thoughts on “karma is a wonderful thing (when it happens to someone else)

  1. ooooh Mr Karma sounds like a terrible seat mate.

    I used to ride the bus every day to work and I hated it when people were inconsiderate like that.

    Why should people stand so she can have a seat for her purse

    just rude…

    that is all

  2. I was actually hoping someone swiped her beloved handbag and took off running with it. Darn!

    I used to ride a bus into San Francisco from the burbs and recall people trying this trick in an effort to not have to sit next to someone. It doesn’t work because people will eventually ask you to move your crap if the bus is full. All it does it make you look like an a**hole. And the next thing you know, people are blogging about your rude behavior and rejoicing at the possibility that you just got a nasty case of scabies. This woman is finding out the hard way that selfish seat hogging does not pay!

  3. That’s awesome.

    I will admit…I am one of those, purse on the seat next to me people. Because, really, the people on the bus are gross and if I don’t have to sit next to you, I don’t want to. However, I will only leave my purse there if there are a lot of open seats. As soon as we get the slightest bit full, I move it. And I will always move it for someone who asks.

    However, I will only sit on the aisle seat. I refuse to sit on the inside near the window. It’s because many, many moons ago the guy sitting next to me threw up everywhere. I happened to be on the aisle and was able to jump out of the way and not get splashed with vomit. If I’d been on the side I would have been screwed. So now I stick to the outside only rule. I’ve gotten dirty looks but I don’t give a shit.

    1. See, and I prefer a window.
      I will sit on the aisle, vomit is very compelling, but once a man standing next to me rubbed his crotch on me – so now I get weirded out whenever somone is standing over/next to me

  4. any time i see a girl like the one you speak of (or a guy with his backpack or legs or feet) i often want to yell at her (him) “did your purse/backpack/appendage pay a fare too? no? then take them off the extra seat you moron!”

    but now, i will just be wishing and hoping for a “gentleman” such as the one you just described to come on the bus and take that seat next to the moron 😀

  5. You do realize, don’t you, that when Shana is forced to find alternate modes of transportation to work because the bus in NYC, in a word, sucks, I will be coming to you for my weekly fix of bus stories. Because like I told Shana, a bus story trumps a train story every single day of the week.

    This is completely disgusting and yet totally awesome. I hope she learned her lesson, which she probably did not. I swear, if she starts bringing a blow-up doll with her so she can have the seat next to her (like people put in their cars so they can drive in the HOV lane), I am going to fall out. And you will simply have to find some way to take a picture.

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