I am linking up, once again, with Shell at Things I Can’t Say for her weekly feeling-fest. If you’re interested, head over to her blog and check out the other bloggers that have something heart-felt to say.
When Wilzie and I started dating, he was in the market for a dog, but he worked long hours and all kinds of weird shifts so he felt bad about bringing a puppy into that situation.
So he got a rabbit instead.
His name was George (“I’m going to love him and squeeze and call him George“), and I hated that fucking rabbit. We litter-trained him , but he preferred to use the carpet as his personal toilet. He even developed such an attitude that he would flip his litter box over and poop on top of it! That little asshole was farm-bound after a month.
At which point we upgraded to our cat, Maverick. Maverick is my schmoopy-poo, who loves to cuddle with him Mama, as we gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes.
a face only a Mother could love
But Maverick wasn’t enough for Wilzie…he needed a dog. So we started our search for a puppy (after we got Maverick, I couldn’t bear to leave him, so I just moved in). We spent a long time looking for just the right one. Wilzie tortured himself by going to the SPCA every day, but we just couldn’t find the right puppy for us.
We had just made the decision to get an older dog – since our luck with finding a puppy hadn’t yet awarded us with a furry friend – and on our very next trip to the SPCA (to look for an older dog), we fell in love with a little German Shepherd/Collie cross puppy (funny how things work out). She was just standing there, so calm among the chaos of barking/yelping/jumping dogs, looking at us inquisitively through the chain-link fence, her front paw firmly planted in her water dish.
This was our Maya Pup-aya. She was perfect.
Except, we found out, not quite so perfect. Maya had lice.
No big, a few baths with special shampoo and she was fine. Perfect, in fact.
And then at 9 months old, she started to cry a lot; whining and whimpering almost constantly. We noticed that she was moving slowly and gingerly, even more so after a walk. We took her to the vet; something was wrong with our baby. We were told that she had hip dysplasia – one of the worst cases that the doctor had ever seen. Instead of her hip-joint cupping around her leg bone like a ball and socket, it was almost perfectly straight, so only the muscles around her hips were keeping her femur from sliding freely up and down and out of her joints.
a normal hip joint
moderate dysplasia
We were told that, without surgery, we would probably have to put her down by the time she turned 4 because she would be in so much constant pain. That night, after her diagnosis, we went for dinner and brought her home our leftovers. As she laid in the backyard chomping away at this forbidden treat, the snow falling and turning her golden fur white – I sat in the house watching her, and I cried.
She is now 9, and with medicinal management, she is just fine…well, she is getting along.
We also discovered that she is prone to urinary tract infections when she spent almost a full year with recurring bladder infections. I would wake up several times each night to the sound of her whining at the door to go out because she just couldn’t go a couple of hours without watering the grass. And she is possibly the worst pill taker there is – in that year, we hid her medicine in everything from peanut butter and cheese to bread smeared with jam, and she would gulp it all down, and then spit out the capsule. We finally settled on a prescriptive dog food that balances her pH levels in her urine, and she has been managing ever since.
Almost perfect.
Except, of course, for her temperamental stomach. Because when she eats more than a small bite of anything out of the ordinary, she spends the night vomiting and crying. And if she drinks too much water after she eats (because her specialty food makes her very thirsty), she will throw it all back up and look at me, so sad because she just wasted her precious dinner.
She is kind of sickly and pretty sore, and it makes me sad to see her shake as she slowly lowers herself to the ground. We have her trained to sit and await our “OK” before she eats or gets a treat, but now we let her stand, just to avoid putting her through the painful movement. When she squats to pee, she can’t hold the position for too long, and often stands up and starts walking before she is done – which makes for a very pee-smelly hindquarters. Her 2 greatest loves are (NOT me and Wilzie) her “walkies” and food (she may or may not take after me in that aspect…), but her walks are limited and are often very short to minimize the pain they cause, and she can only eat very little to keep her as thin as possible to avoid extra weight on her joints.
I don’t know how much pain she is in, but I can guess. We will eventually have to make a decision - we can get her a double hip replacement – which, the vet has told us, doesn’t come with any guarantees that it will improve her quality of life (and could actually make her worse). That surgery will cost us about $7500.
Per hip.
Or we can let her go.
It is not an easy decision, and one that I am dreading having to make. If we do decide to put her down, how do we know when its the right time? Dogs have extraordinary coping mechanisms, and I am worried that I won’t be able to tell the difference between kind of ouchy and holy hell this fucking hurts!
I hate seeing her suffer, but I just can’t imagine ever being ready to let her go.
Maya is such a beautiful puppy. *hugs*
Oh, hugs. Hugs, hugs, hugs. There is no right answer. My 16 yr old cocker was blind, couldn’t walk, and cried all day and night because he couldn’t see me. I finally made the decision to let him go, and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done, and my biggest regret.
Maya’s beautiful. You’ll know when she can’t take anymore. She’ll let you know. You have a couple of years left, at least.
Damn. Now I’m going to go cry thinking about my dog.
This post made me want to cry a little bit. It sounds like you have a been a great dog parent though.
Oh, your poor dog! I hope that you can make the right decision, whatever that may be.
Poor Maya…and poor you.
We are a dog family…growing up we had three…and they are all gone now. Making that decsion is the hardest thing to do. The thing is…they help you figure it out. Maya will let you know when the time is right.
Hip dysplasia is my biggest worry…labs are prone to it. Every time one of the girls limps slightly or sits off to the side on her hip, J and I are all over it and worried.
I guess the only thing we can do is give our babies the best life we can and hope we never have to make any hard choices.
Hugs and kisses to Maya…and to you!
We knew that shepherds are prone to dysplasia too, so since Maya was a puppy I would rub her hips. Now when she wants some lovin’, she backs that ass up for a good rubbing.
Oh goodness! I can’t imagine what you are going through! Our Blue is so special to us too! He has a very temperamental stomach and has to eat his high dollar lamb and rice – no fillers, no corn, no wheat with glucosamine and chondrointin food. He also has to be snuggled regularly and won my heart over before the hubby ever did. I can’t imagine having to make the choice you have to. (hugs)
Oh My how sad I was reading through tears at the end I’m sorry to here she is not well life throws us curves and we HAVE to turn with them and sometimes it hurts so much. Love her as long as you can and you will always have her in your heart she is a part of you weather she is here or not. *LOVE AND HUGS* to all three of you!
Oh no poor Maya!! Our dog’s breed also has a prevelance of hip dysplasia so we worry about that constantly.
I’m not sure if you will know for certain when it will be time, but at least you will know that you gave her a great life while she was with you guys.
My dog is getting up in the years and I dread that whole decision of how much pain is too much. I feel for you, and I feel for your dog.
Now I’m sad and I want to leave my job immediately just to go home and hug my dog all day.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
My dog Kiwi is the first pet I’ve ever had and I love her immensely. I’ve often told people that I hope she outlives me because I won’t be able to cope with her death. I will seriously be inconsolable. I don’t even want to think about it!
Maya seems like a wonderful dog so I’m sorry to learn she’s ailing. I wish you the best and from one dog-lover to another, thanks for sharing your story.
This almost brought me to tears! I am so sorry for you dilemma but so happy that she found such a good home to go to with such loving people! You are doing the best you can and she knows that, dogs have a good sense when it comes to these things.
Good luck!
I’ve been in this situation and the thing that made the decision for us was that the vet told us he was suffering and too old for cancer treatment. We knew that we couldn’t keep him alive for ourselves. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and even now almost three years later, I think about our dog all the time.
Ooooh, this makes me sad. I have a golden retriever who is my night in shining armor. I don’t want to imagine the kind of pain that decision makes. I had a cat, Olivia, who died about a year ago, that I grew up with, and I swear I haven’t cried that hard in so long. There’s just something about our furry friends that latches onto your heart and won’t let go. I don’t envy you at all. *internet hugs* from one doggie lover to another!
this was an absolutely gorgeous, albeit sad, piece. thank you for sharing it. your kind heart pours through. as a new-ish dog owner and already in, i so get it. i have no answers, but i’m sending you whatever good stuff i’ve got! hang in there!
I am so sorry about your puppy! It is a very hard choice to make…I will be a wreck when it is time to put my cat down. He seriously is like my fury child in training.
I don’t have a way to email ya…here is the link to my new blog…read the “about” section to get an explanation of why I created it cause the title is very harsh…but freedom of speech!
http://dbagdefined.wordpress.com/
God dammit Robyn!! I didn’t want to know all this! (I’m being selfish) because now all I can think about is you and Wilzie and your poor perfect dog, who I’m sure is the absolute best perfect friend there ever was. That poor poor puppy. I know it probably sounds stupid, but can you give her a hug from me.
Already done! Thanks Sara