eau de pussy, a blossom fetish & and a big winner – fojoy’s weekend in review

I took the day off work on Friday to wait impatiently for our new bed to be delivered.  Finally at 3:30 I saw the truck pull up so I hopped up and opened the door for the delivery men.  They handed me our new pillows and carried in our new mattress and box spring to the bedroom.  Before I could blink they had the plastic covering off the new box spring and slipped it over the old mattress.  I had wanted to ask them if it was possible to move the old mattress to the basement (we wanted to use it in the spare bedroom) but it quickly became clear that these men were not here to help me in any way.  I left them to their business and in no time the new bed was in place and they were sliding the old bed out of the room.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?”  the older delivery man came around the corner, “I detect the scent of cat on this mattress…”

Really, genius – you “detect the scent of cat”?   What gave it away, Detective…the fucking CAT strutting around the house?!? “Uhm…yeah?” I waited for him to continue.

“I can’t take this mattress.”  he said simply.

“What do you mean you can’t take the mattress?”  The purchase price included delivery of the new bed and removal of the old.

“I have new product on my truck and I can’t possibly put this mattress in with it.”  He looked down at me condescendingly.  “Call the customer service centre and they will arrange disposal for you.”

“Let me get this straight…you’re telling me that even though you have sealed up my old, cat-scenty mattress in plastic and duct tape, and the new mattresses on your truck are, presumably, sealed in plastic, that the scent of cat on my old bed is SO OFFENSIVE that it will seep through two layers of protective plastic covering to permeate every fibre of your new product and render it unsellable?”  Was he serious?!

“Yes, Ma’am, that’s right.”  He WAS serious!

I’ll admit it, I was pissed off!  Pissed off that his douche-y delivery dick made me feel like I was dirty; that my belongings were somehow contaminated and shouldn’t be mixed with the company of anything “clean”.

So now my old mattress and box spring are sitting outside on my back deck, wrapped in plastic, waiting for someone to come and dispose of it.  And I’ve decided to work through my hurt feelings and make the best of it.  I think am going to leave a note stuck to it and lean it up against the fence…

Infested with Bed Bugs!!

STAY AWAY!

…maybe the neighbour will move.

~~~

Over the years whenever I even look at a new hat, Wilzie calls me “Blossom”.  Which causes me to roll my eyes, and smack him in annoyance lovingly, then go back to trying on chapeaus.  Trust me, just because I have an affinity for hats doesn’t mean I am anything like Blossom – Wilzie just enjoys bringing up random, obscure pop-culture references.  He can’t possibly be seeing something that has escaped me all these years?

exhibit “A”

it’s not my fault that I can rock a hat like an early 90’s style icon

I don’t really understand the connection – I may have enjoyed an episode of Blossom from time to time back in the day.  I may have developed a completely innocent crush on Joey Lawrence (“Whoa!”) and his flowing mane of hair.  I may have even sported a bright, yellow vest every day now and then.  But who didn’t?  Am I right??

But Wilzie’s words never rang truer than this weekend when I was watching the season première of What Not to Wear. Their latest make-over was none other than Blossom herself, Mayim Bialik.  And she didn’t have a single hat.  HA!  I am so not Blossom!

But then something caught my eye…what was she wearing on her feet, the boots that soon ended up on the top of the garbage heap?

exhibit “B”

yes – those are the exact, same boots. What can I say – the girl has style

Apparently, there is no point in arguing with him anymore…

~~~

Thanks to all who participated in my Good Deeds Giveaway – Congratulations to the winner – Shana from Fumbling Towards Normalcy – who will be receiving both my copy of The Next Queen of Heaven by Gregory Maguire and a new copy of Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson.  In addition to commenting on how much she loves to read, Shana made a donation to The Ronald McDonald House, which is a great charity that allows families to stay together when a child gets sick and has to travel for treatment.

0 thoughts on “eau de pussy, a blossom fetish & and a big winner – fojoy’s weekend in review

  1. So…. I’m playing catchup after having dropped off the internet for a week or two…

    and let me just say, as I started at the top of the page (TMI all over the place) and skimmed down to the ‘Scent of the Pussy’, that is NOT what I was expecting, lol. The TMI totally threw me off and had me going in another direction.

    Thanks for the laugh!

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